How to Determine if You Will Contract COVID-19

How to Determine if You Will Contract COVID-19

A Little (about virus size) Light-Hearted Coronavirus Formula for “Opening Day” of Phase Three, or, The Ex-Geneticist Strikes Again (maybe that's why she is an ex)(and, yes, a dog is mentioned)

Let DI be distance (DI = DIstance, get it?) in feet from you to another person. Let DU be the duration you are at said distance in minutes. Let DS be whether or not the other person at said distance for said number of minutes is infected by the virus in question for at least 2 days (+ 2 for infected, - 2 for not infected – but you may not know) and let LO be the location of this assignation (+2 for outside, - 2 for inside)(note: L-oh not L-zero).

Factor in the additional unknowns of humidity (H in percent, ideally to be high), temperature (T in degrees Kelvin, ideally to be a large number), wind speed (W in mps, ideally to be great) and elevation (effect UNK at this time, therefore X).

Don’t forget to include M for whether or not the other person is appropriately masked (ideally a positive number), G for the person in question’s gender (+2 for male, +1 for female), age (self-explanatory), and pre-existing condition (a constant of 1 for hypertension, 1 for obesity, 1 for diabetes, 1 for asthma, and 1 for being a cancer survivor).

Ideally, you want DI to be 6 or greater (DI>6 – “where oh where is the greater-than-or-equal-to sign on my Mac?”); DU to be 15 or less (DU<15, ditto); DS to be - 2; and LO to be +2.

Therefore, the probability of your contracting the novel Coronavirus (nC) responsible for COVID-19 at any given time is:

p(nC) = ADI ft x BDU* min x DS x  LO x CH(%) + DT(K) + EW mps + XE + M + G + (HODAC) x Z, Z being the prevalence in the population

E.g., for my dog training lesson this afternoon at 5 pm,

p(nC) = 5ft x 20min x (-2) x (+2) x 70% + (80 + 459.67)(5/9) + 0.1mps +XE + 1 + 1 + 4

*note: BDU here does NOT stand for Battle Dress Uniform, the “cammos/fatigues” worn by US soldiers. Instead, B is a constant and DU is duration (time, for the layman)

PS – I would have made part of the equation squared and cubed but typing superscripts takes so long. . . . however, that would make the equation more valid and reliable – and precise though not necessarily accurate. However, this current equation is a good approximation. However, note that I did not include singing, coughing, sneezing or shouting – just exhaling and speaking because I got tired of this exercise! However, I do hope you enjoyed it! However, I also did not include the interactions of all the above unknowns with each other, one at a time or two at a time or . . . .

(Graphics: http://clipart-library.com/coronavirus-clipart.html)